Happy Mothers Day

Well today was Mother's Day. Hmm, what is a mom really. That been something that has been swirling in my mind for a while now. I was blessed to have the best mom. My mom loves me and supports me and I don't know what I'd do without her. If I drew the characteristics of what a mom is from her it'd be caring, loving, supportive, honest, nurturing, human, and godly. But there are so many other types of moms out there. There are woman that add characteristics such as abandoning, hurtful, abusive, ungodly, and manipulative. So where do we base our definition of 'mom' from? Do we base it on what a mom should be or is it based on whatever characterisics a person exhibits that births a child?

I've had this thought thrown at me and tossed around in my head so much these past couple of years. My moms adopted, is my grandma any less a 'mom' bc she didn't birth my mom? Is her birth mom any more of a mom because she did the birthing but not the rearing? Am I any less Collin, Ashton, or Caleb's mom because I didn't birth them? Any more of a mom to Zach because I did? Are you a mom because what you do not who you are?

Why do I struggle so much with this? I don't know. I don't know why I let these thoughts fill my head and eat at it. Why should I care? I love ALL the boys. I am the one that cares for them day in and day out. Why can't I shake the fact that she birthed them as if she has one up on me? Am I scared deep down that no matter what I do, they'll always love her more? That at the end of the day, when it's all said and done, that they'll want her and not me because she's their 'real' mom?

I guess I am.....deep down.....afraid.

But what should it matter really? Am I impacting their lives any less? No. Was I any less chosen by God to be a part of these children's lives? No! Am I doing this for God or for the title of 'mom'? Maybe I need to re check myself. Hard to do sometimes.

I've wanted to be a mom for the longest time. I remember 'fake' babysitting for my moms friends little baby. I LOVED babies. When I got older, the desire continued. I could see myself as a wife and a mom. Staying home and taking care of my kids, I wanted 3, while my husband worked. Having dinner ready for the nubby and teaching my toddlers. Being involved at school when they were older and making snacks for them when they got home. Being there for their boo boos and hurts in life. Getting them ready for the world. One thing I didn't imagine was how hard it really was....to mother.

The hurt, the emotions, the guilt and regrets. Throw in being a step-mom that is also the full-time mom, and the merry go round of feelings is magnified. You know the old saying, if you look like a duck and act like a duck, then you must be a duck. Well, I look like a mom, I act like a mom, but I'm NOT their 'real' mom. It's hard.

Happy Mothers Day


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