Well this post might seem a bit blunt. I am just sick and tired of trying for it to be all peachy and sun-shiny all the time. Is that how Jesus acted? Is that the overtone of the Bible? NO! Jesus got angry, he expressed many human emotions, the important part was how he reacted and behaved with those emotions. Some times life just stinks. Sometimes marriage isn't all that I thought it would be. Sometimes when I watch my lovey-dovey movies I get so upset because that is NOT the way real love is. Have you ever wondered why young teens girls have it all wrong when it comes to love, commitment, and relationships? Not me, look no farther than Hollywood and how they portray love and you begin to understand. Wow I am rambling. It has just been some crazy months and I have realized that I am holding a lot in and pretending on the outside that I am somehow this super mom that can do it all and nothing fazes her. Well its not true. My life is not at all like I pictured it to be. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and I love what we have, and I know I am where God wants me to be but that doesn't mean it is easy. I pictured having 4-5 kiddos with my hubby, not step-parenting 3 and feeling so helpless in protecting them even though I am the main caregiver. In my dreamy picture of being a mom I never once fantasized my child saying "i want my real mom" when the are in trouble or upset. I have slowly realized that my vision and God's vision are different and for me to fulfill His purpose for my life I might just have to get a new pair of shoes lol! I mean the person I was, the role that I was filling before Andy is so different from the person I have to be now and the role that I am filling now. Its like I need a new pair of shoes, a different perspective. Know that old saying, you don't know how you'd react until you walk in their shoes for a day. Exactly true! Now I am having to do just that, walk in someone else's shoes. Walking in the shoes of the person God designed me to be and leaving the shoes of the person I chose on my own at the curb. This new role of mine might not be easy and there are days that I don't think I can do it anymore because I am tired and hurt, but I take it one day at a time and God is always there to pull me through and be my strength. I hope this new style of blogging is okay and I haven't scared you off. But there are many times that I am scared and I need advice or to talk but I don't know who to turn to. Sometimes I feel guilty for my feelings and feel ashamed to share. Other times I just hold it in because I am scared people will take it the wrong way and think I am not happy when I am. Anyways, we'll see how it goes.
